Thursday, October 28, 2010

the steady hum
of lonesome days
a constant dawn
an endless dusk
a rush of choas
flowing smooth
long awaits
a painted rouge.
the steady hum
of lonesome days
a constant dawn
an endless dusk
a rush of choas
flowing smooth
long awaits
a painted rouge.
the steady hum
of lonesome days
a constant dawn
an endless dusk
a rush of choas
flowing smooth
long awaits
a painted rouge.

Friday, October 22, 2010

Aching Heart

My unconscious mind filters things much quicker that my conscious mind ever could. It brings me to states where I feel unsettled, helpless, unsure.

I feel so guilty sometimes. Two different explanations. I got so lucky in life. I've lost people, had heartache, as most people have, but I've been given every opportunity I could ever want, I've been given the option to do whatever it is I want to do. Never been thrown on the street and told to fend for myself. Not always understood but always pushed to the next thing. Without question of "how" that next thing will happen. Why do I deserve to not worry about the "how"?

I am in a new city and loving it more and more each day. I am challenging myself, accomplishing goals and finally making old wishes come true. How can I do all this when people I love are suffering, when people I love are far.. and moving farther, when all I can think about right now is that I'd give it all up just to see lost loved ones one more time.

Im not sure how to cross back over the fence at this point. I am not normally missing home like this, my last dose of reality has probably worn off, maybe I'm due for another prescription. Normally I'm using peoples lifestyles, adventures and tragedies as motivators to push me to live my dream. My existence in this moment is all thanks to the ones I've loved and lost, I need to get on the other side.. "where the grass is greener"

Tuesday, October 19, 2010

Nostalgia

Tonight I have a deep yearning to be home. To wake up to my mom cooking brunch.. To fall asleep on the couch with the white noise of football in the distance.. To drive around town with people who know me better than I know myself..

It's hard feeling this way, because I already anticipate the feelings I know will come when I'm home.. The need to get away.. To find inspiration.. To grow and become the woman I want to be.. To not fall into the routine.. To not fall for things that cannot be..


But for now. for however long I'm going to lie awake for. I'll miss it whole heartedly..the good and the bad.

Monday, October 4, 2010

A blurry, chaotic, tangled, vicious dream.. a wavering mind and body.

Sad eyes, heavy heart, twisted thoughts.

Unsettled.

Life's mysteries and tragic events. It's never fair.