If you believe in me, I might just want to spend some time with you again.

my exact feelings as of late, like i'm up against a wall. yet there's room for me to move around the wall i just need some help. i need something new, fresh, exciting, stimulating. i think my anxiety about my line and about my acceptance or rejection from grad school/jobs is slowly eating away at me. as like everything else in life, i keep those worries inside. so i am trying to let them out now. my doctor will be pleased with this.

i have stopped biting my nails.. HOORAY. only took 21 years, god dammit. so now i paint them pretty colors all the time. YES! stress reliever. this is the base of a new painting i am starting.

thank you to becki for coming to the rescue this weekend and spending some quality time with me, and getting me out into the beautiful city i am so close too. it was such a good re-fresher. i feel out of the funk that I was stuck in and am ready to sew my fingers off! ...juuust kidding.

happy 22nd maris.

wish this could be everyday. <3 miss you both.

my mind runs. constantly.

Currently: I don't want to graduate without doing every possibly thing I've ever wanted to do while in college. I don't want this chapter of my life to end with me saying.. "I really wish I.."

Tackling: Documenting the lives of design majors, to give outsiders a tangible look at what is it we do. Hoping to promote others respect and understanding of what is involved in such a lifestyle choice. I may not know how to do this, but somehow it will be conquered.

Uncertainties: May 17th 2010 is to me as January 1 2012 is to others.

Routine: "Im going to Egypt" has become a natural sentence to spit out. When will this spit up turn into reality.. probably sooner than I am mentally prepared for.

Insiprartions: Anisa Phillips. Her creativity and confidence are things that I aspire to have. The confidence to KNOW that I am capable of anything she was to throw at me. The trust she instilled in me to create and install such works of art lead to an amazing realization that I can do anything. Im still working on the part where I actually trust myself. 

Hopes: To rid myself of prescriptions and sooth my anxiety, sleeplessness and migraines with a focused mind on making my imaginaries tangible.

Goals: Running list x2 every morning. Which means its time for a new list. His voice once pumped me up, now it just makes me want to punch him in the face.

Ironies: How an ex-boyfriend sings about his ex-girlfriend calling him an "asshole", when thats the only word to describe how this ex-girlfriend feels about another ex-boyfriend of hers. make sense?

"you're an asshole, was the last thing that she said"