i am craving to be at the gym again.. on a regular basis. hopefully back to my 8:30-10 routine, ahh thats the best! who knows... life is about to get all kinds of crazy, thank goodness i have 2 weeks to prepare.

i know what i want/should feel, but again, when i'm caught in the undertow, its hard to follow my mind and not my heart, and at this very time, i really want to follow my heart, do what's natural and feels right, my mind tells me to do the logical thing, but it doesn't feel as natural and right as what my heart is screaming. for now, i will keep treading water, hoping to surface soon.

Only hours are left at this point.

I need to get some sleep tonight because once Marissa shows up tomorrow and Lynds, the ridiculous tranny mess isn't going to be over until sunday night. =)

I already feel like im going to vomit when i think about cuing each model to walk, and pushing myself over the cliff and walking out at the end. (#@)&(#$@)(#*$(#!@$!)@# i dont do well in these situations, i hate the attention. I just want to show my work, and not have the spotlight pointed at me. i hope i can hold it together.