First and foremost. A moment for Lexy. She would have been 22 today. I'm not sure if my heart will ever heal from this loss, but it has moved forward with life and brought her inspiration into every aspect. So the birds started chirping at 3, and today I'm not mad. I'll just pretend its her, singing me to sleep, bringing me into this next stressful, exhausting day with a good attitude and a heart and mind full of love and laughter. <3 LS
Yesterday I realized why I love art so much. I have such a nurturing/motherly side to me, and my artwork and well, anything I create is like a baby, I mold it and form it. There's so much patience involved, and understanding when its not going the way you want, but in the end its the care and love you put into it with your hands that make it what it is. I love being there every step of the way, watching it evolve into the next stage. I haven't posted any art in a while, but I have a painting and two pastel portraits that Im working on that are in the beginning stage, where they're not so attractive and need lots of care to get them to where they're going. I love pouring love into them, I really feel like artwork shows your emotions, if you are dull and damper then thats what's going to pour out onto the canvas, every move of your finger or brush or pen is moved by the emotions your conveying. I love when I get to spend alone time painting, and just release so much into each brush stroke.
Last night I made of one my favorite pieces in my collection. It came so organically too, I had no idea what I was going to make, then with some discussion of style lines and design decisions, I was given the confidence to go with my gut and just do it. I love every stitch of what I made.. and that is SO RARE.
Today was..I dont even know what today was. Mainly filled with heartache. It was a weak day for sure. Ended with laughter and productivity....and hopefully nothing but sleep after this post.
A friend showed me this song.. she knew that I would like it.. how did she know I needed it after today.. how?
Look to the clock on the wall
Hands hardly moving at all
I can't stand the state that I'm in
Sometimes it feels like the wall's closing in
Oh Lord what can I say
I'm so sad since you went away
Time time tickin' on me
Alone is the last place I wanted to be
Lord what can I say
Try and burn my troubles away
Drown my sorrow the same way
It seems no matter how hard I try
It feels like there's something just missing inside
Oh Lord what can I say
I'm so sad since you went away
Time time tickin' on me
Alone is the last place I wanted to be
Lord what can I say
Oh Lord what can I say
How many rules can I break
How many lies can I make
How many roads must I turn
To find me a place where the bridge hasn't burned
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