i stood at the ironing board, and looked down at what i was pressing. a moment of disbelief swarmed my body. this is it, my line is made, only small details remain. all i can recall is constantly thinking, how am i going to do it, what will i make, how will it all turn out. now all these questions are obsolete, everything is done. and it all just happened, it happened while i was too busy worrying about other things.
it has been quite a journey trying to tame the thoughts, and feelings that have filled my head in the past few months. it has not been easy, especially lately. i lose it sometimes, and i know when and why, i can feel it coming, but while im "in it" i know theres a way out i just cant see the way out. i feel like im stuck in an undertow and i cant find the surface, i know i have to wait for the water to calm, but while im underwater i cant help but thrash around causing commotion and stirring things up. thats exactly how i feel ive acted recently and i know i will act again like that again, for the mere fact that ive never been in an undertow before and im not sure how to get out. and although i am ashamed of doing so, i know that in time i will be fine, back on the sand, alone but safe.
4 days..
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