editing is needed here:
after receiving much welcomed and surprising feedback, i revisited what i had wrote last night and realized that what i was thinking when i was writing, is not even close to what comes across in the words of that blog. i normally wouldn't mind so much, everything is up for interpretation, but i do mind here, so i need to clarify...


[I feel alone, alone in a black room, black walls, black floor, black door, no windows. The feeling of helplessness is in full swing. Searching for the colorful, bright, inspiring decor that once was. I remain confused as to why I cannot find it. Knowing it's there, underneath the surface, wishing it would just appear, break out, show itself once again.

..for now I wait, wait for those colors that once inspired me to a degree I never knew was possible, wait for it to reappear or for the light that still stands to finally flicker out, for good.]

this little ditty, is not about me, personally.. it is about events and people who i am no longer interested in, things that once held such inspiration, belief, hope  that have now lost it.  it is about me longing for the bright colors that once showed, the colors that have now faded to black. I long for that inspiration again, i enjoyed it, watching it spread to others, watching it grow so tall, i long for it once more and i fear that it will flicker out, for that is what i see happening and what i want to avoid happening.

and yes i am homesick, and for good reason. but that is not holding me down in any way. Its just the name i gave to the feelings ive been feeling the past few days. silly labels.. always get in the way.