editing is needed here:
after receiving much welcomed and surprising feedback, i revisited what i had wrote last night and realized that what i was thinking when i was writing, is not even close to what comes across in the words of that blog. i normally wouldn't mind so much, everything is up for interpretation, but i do mind here, so i need to clarify...


[I feel alone, alone in a black room, black walls, black floor, black door, no windows. The feeling of helplessness is in full swing. Searching for the colorful, bright, inspiring decor that once was. I remain confused as to why I cannot find it. Knowing it's there, underneath the surface, wishing it would just appear, break out, show itself once again.

..for now I wait, wait for those colors that once inspired me to a degree I never knew was possible, wait for it to reappear or for the light that still stands to finally flicker out, for good.]

this little ditty, is not about me, personally.. it is about events and people who i am no longer interested in, things that once held such inspiration, belief, hope  that have now lost it.  it is about me longing for the bright colors that once showed, the colors that have now faded to black. I long for that inspiration again, i enjoyed it, watching it spread to others, watching it grow so tall, i long for it once more and i fear that it will flicker out, for that is what i see happening and what i want to avoid happening.

and yes i am homesick, and for good reason. but that is not holding me down in any way. Its just the name i gave to the feelings ive been feeling the past few days. silly labels.. always get in the way.

and just like glass.. i see through you..

I feel alone, alone in a black room, black walls, black floor, black door, no windows. The feeling of helplessness is in full swing. Searching for the colorful, bright, inspiring decor that once was. I remain confused as to why I cannot find it. Knowing it's there, underneath the surface, wishing it would just appear, break out, show itself once again.

..for now I wait, wait for those colors that once inspired me to a degree I never knew was possible, wait for it to reappear or for the light that still stands to finally flicker out, for good.

I am never content, never settled. I am always moving, changing, morphing, marinating, observing.

I long to be home, safe, secure. With familiarity. With family, friends... who've got my back. I am homesick, feeling it in its fullest. This is the worst kind though the kind where nothing can make it better expect the embraces that will soon be had.

a horrible picture of my latest love.

only 1/2 done

the other have is still in comic book form,

can't wait to finish it! but it will have to wait at least 4 days..  until im home =)

in this moment..

..i am missing you so.

some of the best things are thought..

..while sitting alone in a ghetto of philadelphia for and hour and a half waiting for a bus to carry you away.

Happiness hit her like a train on a track.

I'm six feet under in rock solid memory.
About to let it settle in, soak into the empty spots that still remain.
I can only hope that it's gentle, for I cannot take a hard hit right now.

I long, I long for what I know.
What no one else knows.
And I feel, more than ever, that I'm not alone.

you should not judge yourself for what you went through
just for what you got out of it.